I'm pretty sure that my friends argue with one another way too much.

I like this guy.
A lot.
Mike Solis.
Yup.


Wilcox. He goes there.
I took him to homecoming.
It was real swell. I had an awesome time..
I've never been that amused by someone at a dance--and not danced with them except during a slow song or something.
He's a really good guy. He knew exactly where to place his hands when we slow danced & he played with my hair..and did all the perfect things a good guy should.


I'm done I ugess.

I guess since I bothered to make one.
I should update.


i'm going to be lazy and copy paste my LJ



I'm not going anywhere in life. My future--it's determined by who I marry. I doubt i'll make it into college with the way school is going.
Junior year is important.Really important. I feel so dumb. I need a tutor. I can't focus. I'm too busy with boy(s), friends..etc. I could care less about homework, tests, projects--the things that make up my grades. I guess it's not that i'm dumb. That was a little too irrational. It's that I don't care. Maybe I should try caring?


I saw Corpse Bride with Skip today. God that kid is funny.


I like my hair. I decided curly hair is cute. Especially when you can get it to look right. I got it good yesterday. I wore it down--curly For the first time in forever.


Charmed season starts tonight. I'm thrilled. It's pathetic that I get so excited over a show. Charmed & Gilmore Girls & One Tree Hill. On the reality TV show side we have Survivor, Americas Next Top Model, and Project Runway.

Why can't I be cool enough for someone to want to hang out with me everyday. I'd like to have a friend who would have time for me everyday. Maybe more than that. Why can't I have a close knit group of friends. Cool friends. (I'm not saying my current friends aren't cool--trust me they are.) But I mean friends that are like me. Listen to the same music, like doing the same activies. I want a friend who will go to museums with me. Anyone wanna fill the shoes?

Oh a whole new way of looking at things
The way you react to phone rings
The way it feels when you let it flow

Sometimes I wonder just how it could be
To take care of it before we see
It off the rails
I think that you should know

You never cease to amaze me
You keep me from going crazy
And that's one thing I know for sure

Sometimes I see just how it all will be
To take care of it it's so easy
The first straw
And this I know for sure

The first straw so small it seemed impossible
The next straw vanished like shooting stars that fall
The last straw there's no reason for getting there at all

No reason to take it there at all
Yea

The last straw can land in your mix
Your best day could be apocalypse
Nobody pay attention to the first straw
It seems the last one is all we ever saw

The first straws a metaphor I pick up myself
It tells me something by showing me something else

I think that you should know
The first straw so small it seemed impossible
The next straw vanished like shooting stars that fall
The last straw there's no reason for getting there at all

Everyone reacts when it gets to the weight of breaking the back
I won't let that be us cuz the loss I'd never get past
Yea

The first straw so small it seemed impossible
The next straw vanished like shooting stars that fall
The last straw there's no reason for getting there at all

The first straw so small it seemed impossible
The next straw vanished like shooting stars that fall
The last straw there's no reason for getting there at all


gnite kiddies<3

congrat-u-fucking-lations to me. I am officially a straight C student. Aren't you proud? I seriously thought I did so much better in English than I did, I should have worked harder on the hw stuff. Next year....


I've been having weird dreams lately..alot of really vivid dreams.+ they are mondo weird. I had one last night about how a cruise ship tipped over, and we had whales pull us up straight again..I don't even know why we tipped..wait It was because the earth was mad at the water..Yeah..uhh..see..weird!

Finals are such a pain in the ass. They take up so much time for studying. Really the best thing about them is getting out of school so damn early.
I really want to do something this weekend with a certain person, but bleh. I don't know. I desperately want to have what I used to share with Sam (of course I know it will be different, you can't expect relationships to be the same) But it's just so damn hard to find something like that. I was talking to Sam for at least 2 1/2 years before we started dating, and we're still friends. (Which is amazingly awesome, because he's to good of a friend to me to lose) I mean, yes I'm over him in the aspect of wanting to be in a realtionship with him, but I really miss having a relationship. It is so hard to meet a guy who actually likes you back. I mean, yes you can like a guy, you can call him, but if you're doing all the work it really is no fun. I guess i'm old fashioned, I don't like having to call the guy, of course I love talking to them, or him, whatever, I just don't want to be the one calling. I'll make the plans to see them, i'll call once and awhile but I don't want to be the only one putting forth effort--or else its just not fun. Being desired is part of it I guess, I like to be chase, I hate chasing. (But then again, who doesn't like being chased)

I think i'm done rambling

Today was alright. I'm so terribly tired, and I wasn't that hungry when
I made myself lunch. (Kind of a pain in the ass) I had my first to
finals today, Religion and Biology. I duno how I did on bio, I really
hope I did alright. I have like a C+ in that class. So I hope that I
get at least a C on the final, that way my average grade will be a C. I
feel pretty good about Religion, I mean, it was all essay questions,
and I payed attention in her class, So I can't have failed completely.

Anyways.
Today I have to study for tommarows finals. (2 more days of school
guys!! I'm super excited.) I might be going out with some of my girls
on friday, I have plans for this weekend too. :-D yesss.. well
indefinate plans, I need to make them definate..

I was thinking
yesterday, (on the way up to Boulder Creek to see some family friends)
that i've never been on an actual picnic, and I really want to go one
one. Not even necessarily a sit down in the grass on a blanket, but
like bring a picnic basket with yummy food, and like sit in the trunk
of a car with the trunk open, and sit on the side of a hill, and watch
the sunset..awhhh how sweet. <3 Thats what I want.

Yuck, I
hate plastic surgery, I will NEVER get it, as much as I say I want
bigger boobs and what not, I would never turn to plastic surgery. I
admit, it makes certain people look better, but how could anyone ever
go through the pain of plastic surgery. It's disgusting to watch what
people do to themselves. *sigh* oh well.

<3 <3

I only kind of feel like writing today. I'm kind of out of it. I really just wanna go out and chill but I have finals next week so I really can't. I'm thinking i'm going to go study with Nicole and Sita today for our bio final, and our religion final, which will be helpful. I want to go on a date. I miss having a steady guy in my life, I know it's kind of pathetic of me. It's just nice to be cuddled/loved. oh well.

Last night I had a really bad dream. The worst kind of dream for me. I mean, It wasn't scary, but it
was about me like finding someone I really liked, and then my best
friend taking them and yada yada..
So heres the dream:

I don't really
remeber the beginning, but I know i'm in my house. I guess I was online
listening to music and such. Then I had this flash of my best friend
Jessy with the guy I'm interested in, they are like at the beach,
playing, laughing, flirting and having a really good time. AND then,
they kiss, like..and it was the most romantic kiss I have ever seen,
and I was just watching the little flash thinking, "thats supposed to
be my kiss." I guess the guy in the dream and myself had already been
on a date and kissed a couple weeks before, because I was really upset,
and really jealous. I came out of the flash or whatever and I was
crying, and hurting, and it really sucked. Me and Jessy don't go to the
same school, but we were at St. Francis (Or my version of st. francis)
Which was this really weird gymnasium with foam pits (used underneath
Bars, Trampolines, and Vault in gymnastics). Jessy is like playing in
the foam, and she's really happy, so I like go up to her, and I ask her
wtf was up with her and the guy. She told me he asked her to the beach
on a date. In my dream jessy and her boyfriend had just broken up
(Which kind of just happened in realy life too, ) (JESSY I LOVE YOU!!!)
But she told me she really liked the guy. Of course I was devastated to
know that what I saw was "real." I told her about what happened between
me and him a couple weeks before, and of course she was also really
upset. I guess me and jessy talked about it and then came to the
conclusion that I liked him more, and that it was chicks over dicks/I
could have him. Another really funny thing was that he was their
neighbor, and We could see him in his pool in the house over playing.
So I went over to go talk to him and ask him if it was what he wanted
etc etc. I remember there being this metal gate, and he came up to
it..leaned forward to kiss me through it, and I leaned in to kiss him
back, but like, I couldn't kiss him, and he didn't lean in any further,
that happened three times before he kissed me finally. But yeah, then I
went back to saint francis's "weird gymnasium" and did some gymnastics
that I hadn't done in like 4 years.  (btw the guy is actually a person I am interested in)

Kind of a good dream, but
then also crappy. I just kind of got a bad feeling from it. I don't
like having my heart broken, or toyed with, so that was completely
horrible for me. I really hope that nothing like that ever happens to
me. I don't like the idea of cheating, and I don't like the idea that
some guys think it's okay to go "date around." Like, why can't they
just be interested in one girl at a time. But now im done telling my
story. *sigh*

Oh, yesterday night was pretty fun. I went out
with Caitlin, Laura, and Erika. Me, Caitlin, and Laura hung out before
hand, and like talked and goofed like we always do at caitlins house.
Then we waited for Erika to come over so we could go to the movies. We
saw the longest yard. It was pretty funny. Caitlin and Laura spent most
of the movie oogling Nelly. I laughed at all the stupid jokes..So did
Caitlin. And then on the way back to caitlins we blasted mariah carery,
for all our broken hearts. (We suffer from boys-just-don't-care
syndrome) lol.

I was thinking, and I realized how much I wish I could write eloquently. I know I just used a really nice word, but really, it doesn't happen very often. I don't have any interesting thoughts like alot of people I know. Some people use their energy to devote their time to saving the world, or writing about love, or saying something equally important. But me? I just write about nothing. Like this.. I don't see how anyone could still be reading this line. Stop reading. Right here. Stop I say! Well i'm really just sitting here thinking. What could I possibly say that would make people go, "oh thats so awesome." Nothing right? Well i'm sure I could, but it's not coming into my head. So lets take a minute...Pause..and think of something interesting.............No? Nothing? Me neither. It is sort of weird having a blog/journal thing. I mean, there are a few people out there who sit their and read this mindless babble, but not that many. I'm thinking I will elaborate on the fact that i've had many many blogs/journals since around the tender age of 10. (I thought it might make it seem more..I don't know..thoughtful if I used the word tender.) Okay, i've had alot. Open Diary, Teen Open Diary, LJ, Xanga, Bolt, Myspace (I don't really use it for blogging though) Okay. well I think I need to give my computer a break, because it's pretty warm, and...im warm. So yeah. Bye <3

I am feeling bleh